Can’t remember how many days or weeks it’s been since I’ve had such a nice day like this. Not a marvelous or wonderful or any other high pitched expressions for the day. Just nice and nice is so freaking amazing as things looks around me these days so there you have it.

Well, you might have that impression already from all the previous posts I’ve made – or … oups … sorry, they didn’t come beyond the inside of my skull but I assure you they were marvelous. Exciting in their simplicity and with a lot of interesting new angles on old well known problems but alas. They’re now disappearing with all the other great thoughts that also didn’t become anything more than brain vapour. Too bad.

Hehe – I can see, when I look at my latest post in here, that I was in a foul mood already in November and that might have been just about when I had started the ‘newest’ treatment which is not pleasant to say the least. My body feels like it’s going to break and maybe foster an alien or whatnot, but all in all it’s hideous. My day to day system to come through difficulties has now become hour to hour system ie: Where I tried to live life day to day before this last adventure (the latest diagnosis) I’m by now living hour to hour.

On the bright side is, that I’m learning a lot about how the birds are behaving while in my garden. They are being fed like royalty and paying me by visiting every day. A pair of blackbirds has even deemed my garden their daily feeding ground and I’m sure that if I’d had a proper bush she’d build the nest inside the garden as well.

The frost has now settled and drifting snow has prevented me to let out the bunnies for 4 days. They are NOT happy campers and I feel so bad about being unable to give them some extra tlc which could be as simple as a little grooming and cuddle, but perhaps that’ll be possible a little later … or tomorrow.

Everything might be possible … tomorrow.

The solution however – the solution for having my life come back together and make sense once again – lies right under my skin, or so it feels. Like having the word you’re looking for on the tip of your tongue but not quite getting it right. It’s so close. If only I knew what I was looking for in the first place?

I’ve forgotten in the meantime. Ah … no not quite. There was this thing about a novel! A novel that only needs some final brush strokes to be ready for public eyes. Or should I just forget about the whole idea? Dang!

This body is not fit for this life of mine! or the other way around. Either way I feel stuck! That’s it. Stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time and with too much potential just disappearing up into the air. All these abilities and nowhere to put them. Nobody who can benefit from them. ARGH. Damn. And it’s only getting worse the whole time. It never rains but it pours!

WHY! That is the worst word in the whole universe and It should be banned from existence.

I just wish I could see, what I’m missing!

But a nice day is a nice day and can’t be changed once it’s been nice for which I’m very grateful – the nice day AND that it can’t be changed now. Tomorrow might also be a nice day, who knows? Police Academy is on the telly now, so the evening seems to get a promising finish – for which I’m very grateful!