Time – a journey!

Is it really that long ago, I sank into such despair? Yupp, and the Danish blog was neglected for even longer time! 

It’s not that I’ve had nothing to tell, it’s just that it got stuck in my head. A nice story here, an update there – not even Facebook has seen much of me. But now I’m here – trying to get some of my thoughts out. Just to make room for more thoughts.

Why? Well, I guess it’s got something to do with the process I’m going through with the painting that I’m doing and has been doing for months and months now. It – this process with the themes in the painting – has been driving me out into the ditches sometimes. Since I decided to ‘tell’ about my life’s processes of becoming the person I am today. All of it in some way. 

I get physically sick with the process. PTSD’s a bitch and I don’t have the money to get the proper treatment to ‘get through it’. Since I have to look ‘the monster’ right into its eyes, it’s so sickening, but I have to do it again, and THAT thought is scaring me. When does it stop? I’m not going to back down though. And looking at my kid and seeing the way she’s beating a way through her obstacles, I know I can beat my way through mine as well.

So now the ending is near! I’m very proud of how I got here. I’ve been asking some of my friends about hints and advices, and found that the interaction with others has been a great way to get to a good result. So the painting is also about me knowing, that others has contributed. It’s about social relations – some of it.

 

OH, and now that the house and garden is back to normal after the renovation … I’ve asked to get a smaller house! It’ll be far from the house I have today – 35% smaller, but it’ll be so much cheaper, that I’ll be able to travel – maybe even have a small car? So I’ll have to go through my things over and over again, until I have the basic ‘stuff’ and not all the clutter. 

– after the painting’s done. Not before. I’m not able to go through any kind of ‘cutting down’ until I have done the painting! That’s how it’s impact is on me – and then life can go on?

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