When do someone have a narrow mind, an addiction, being obsessed or having an unhealthy way of living?

The “funny” thing is that I have one of the persons closest to me, that hasn’t got it at all!!! [quote] well you should get on with reading other books![/quote] (Without even asking the obvious question: “Have you read any other books lately?”)

Then I have a bright young adolescent friend on the other side of the globe, who nailed it right on! [quote] i am happy that your life has more…not meaning, but something more to wake up to in the morning other than the normal generic things(family, friends, responsibilities, ect).[/quote] (Comment given without even knowing that I have in fact taken up reading again after 10 years hardly reading any fiction!)

How was that possible? Does it say more about me or about the ones around me? What part of my communication went wrong towards the ones nearest and dearest to me? What makes it hurtful when it’s only words and it’s really none of others business how I lead my life? Was it my responsibility to remember to tell, that I have read at least 10 novels besides HP since april 2008? It puzzles me why I even bother.

Because family and close friends are the basis for me being in contact with the world around me – that’s why! That’s why I would have liked my nearest first and foremost to try understand and accept my way of life by listening to what I had to say – maybe have some questions instead of going right for a konclusion! It took me so long to dare to trust anyone around me and I’m really making an effort to come to terms with them not ALWAYS seeing things my way and trust they are still able to accept me, so having this lack of understanding, has send me intensely speculating and trying to come to terms with my own role in all this.

We were a family – meaning my daughter and I and my Mother-in-law (Mil) with whom I shared house(s) for 20 years, but when my relationship with my daughter needed to be defined more clearly (Mil tended to had been given the role of “mum” for both me and my daughter), so I had to end our way of sharing “life”. I felt that I was not able to be working with our relationship and risk that I failed that approach, thus making even more time go before an eventual konclusion. My parental role didn’t have that time!

The realisation of having to end our way of life came after a break-down I suffered where I had to seek help at a psychiatric emergency-room, where the specialists had me talk for hours, after which they dismissed me being sick or having need of medication, but that I needed a thorough look on my life! Various insidents of katastrophic proportions had been hitting our family through 12 years at that point, and with really dark and hard backgrounds for both of us grown-ups, it hadn’t been easy at all, but we had managed really well until this point. I was invited to stay for some days and get it all talked through, which I gratefully accepted.

So no wonder Mil got a surprice when I told her, she had to find another place to live! I tried to explain – tried to help get us both through it all without ruining our relationship, but of course she had her work cut out for her to reach some kind of acceptance of what had occoured and what was going to become of us all. I knew she was hurt, but for me it was a “no-brainer” that my daughter had to come first in it all. As she agreed on that she felt forced to go along with my decision, but I know for a fact, she felt put in an impossible position and to some degree were afraid of loosing her relationship with her grand-daughter – and that (I think) made her “play along” at least to a degree. After some time she came to terms with things and now appreciate her new life with independende and a really nice home of her own.

So now I’m a Harry Potter fan! Active in the fandom, active on the internet – the primary word being ACTIVE. The stories about the four-eyed-boy saved me through some months where pain were almost overtaking me completely and I had really black thoughts during that time. I clinged to life, thinking my daughter needed for me to at least fight! And I really did! Friends pulled, family suffered, house-doctor helped some with a slight alternation of pain-medications and light began to win for me.

In the meanwhile a small miracle had taken place during that winter and spring of 2008, that was almost dismissed by me: I had begun to participate in discussing and analyzing a text! My number ONE hate-classes in school being: “What did the author mean by …” – and “What symbolism did the author use to create …” Bla Bla Bla !!! I dearly hated it then, but now I suddenly got intruiged by the intensity in the posts the members wrote, how many oppinions could arise from a simple use of words to create a scene in the story, and I got wrapped up in the discussions about why some things was more propable than others and a lot of other “threads” (= each thread is discussing a defined subject based on part of or whole books/whole series). Then I founds threads about a lot af other subjects diverted from topics in the books of course but going into other sides of peoples lifes, experiences, thoughts and so on!

After a while I found myself excited and interested – coming back really to living in a more intense way than I had for a long time! It was not only my bunnies that could get me up and out for fresh air. I started going to lectures about Astronomy, my painting got more intense and the frequensy went sky-high with getting more of them finished, I had my first display and agreed to have more next spring and then I got invited to and accepted to join the staff in a reading group about The Prisoner of Azkaban!

So now I find myself doing the next-worst thing my literature-teachers could ask me: I make resumé’s, help edit text to be optimal for the reader to understand and easely read, making reading more enjoyable for the members and help with the flow in the threads. I’m learning new things, learning code and interacting with a lot of interesting people about things both on Harry Potter topics but definitely also off topic!!! In staff it’s more often being off topic! ^_^

It’s not different from football, bowling, reality-shows, theater or Jane Austen! Or would it have been more accepted had it been Shakespeare or Jane Austen? Would that have been more “socially accepted” ??? Well, if that’s the case – if it was just, that I “chose” the wrong interest – then … (I’ve been thinking while writing all this) … then just have your oppinion and I pity your narrow mind!!!

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