– and Time-Turners! ^_^ To have confidence enough to not want to turn back and change things?

Just had a nice chat the other night on Leaky where the word confidence were brought up. Especially confidence in one self and ones choises. And of course being on “Leaky” Time-Turners also came up in that sence that it would be possible to go back – do some things differently.

After that chat my thoughts kept floating around! To what purpose would I want to go back in time? I would not dream of going back to try to alter the present as such, ’cause I’m quite satisfied with life going along a progressing line! To have confidence enough to act each and every time in life without having regrets later would be just as satisfying! That won’t be possible all of my life, but by looking back there is really one time where I would like to use a Time-Turner – where I have regrets!

I couldn’t have had regrets if I hadn’t known that what I thought at the time was not valid in the long run. So when I told my husband 15 years ago that I would never be able to take care of my daughter on my own, it wasn’t true! I did take care of her since and I do take really good care of her. She is a marvelous human being who has lots of possibilities and understands how to enjoy life! Of course had I known back then that she would be so much like her father I wouldn’t have thought it to be quite as hard to be her mom.

It has been haunting me as my only true regret because I have imagined that when he died – the moment he died – he would have had that present on his mind that he was leaving his daughter with a mother that hadn’t any confidence! A really bad place to leave another human being in – that I left him with that thought! Had I had confidence in myself I wouldn’t have told her father I couldn’t manage and the Time-Turner was only supposed to go back and not say a thing like that! To not have that horrible thought – to get rid of that thought!

Confidence! That I missed my chance and do better based on that experience? Not always have I been able to live up to that, but I certainly do my best! And having a place to “work” with the hard stuff, to get to have others oppinion – and people who has no emotional attachment is really cool for the thinking process! And lot’s of people in Leaky are heavy thinkers, are able to ponder about the more philosophical sides of life so I’ve found a good spot to spend my nights.